On being vulnerable
This post was going to be about Realism. 
But now its about all kinds of theory that I'm going to go ahead and pretend I understand.

Two of Jeff Koons' Sacred Hearts, reproductions of 'banal' objects, of which I'm fond of
 exactly for the ideas that it mocks

From Still life 2010
25 x 35 cm, Acrylic on Canvas
The closest thing I have made to a Sacred Heart

I watched a lecture about Post-modernism, I had hoped it would simply be about contemporary painting, (which was sort-of the title) but it proved pretty interesting none-the-less.
I seem to have managed to narcissistically psycho-analyse it all to make sense (instead of learning valuable things from the lecture)
My paintings are all meaningful, sentimental, and symbolic, even though I don't use that as a selling point. For all intents and purposes it is Still life, and as such you can read into it whatever you wish. But it is never without meaning. I really love conceptual art, but I have felt guilty for a while about my work not being terribly thought provoking, and therefore might fall into the 'pointless' category to many contemporaries. 
But when viewed from a post-Post modernism perspective it almost makes sense. 
Post modernism was very much a monumental exercise in sarcasm, pointing out the flaws of modernism. It was critical, cynical and very ironically mocked the supposed sincerity of modernism. I think. 
In the late '90's and early 'naughties', I was into the 'alternative', punk and hardcore music, and later that became metal. We were part of the local 'scene', going to shows every weekend, dressing the part, thinking the part. And while we were Christians, we were angry Christians. Which makes for confused Christians. And like the lecturer also said (he was into punk) at a stage, after a couple of years, you tire of being angry. And that's where we are now. We want to bypass the sarcasm, and once again cultivate human virtues that we care about, love, hope, faith, beauty, sincerity. But "it's hard to be sincere without coming across naive and sentimental" to quote him.

Jeff Koons - Balloon dog
I absolutely love these balloon animals, I would paint one any day, and while people
would possibly think it was an homage to Koons, it would more likely be out of pure childishness.

And that is where I found myself. I think the guilty feelings of being angry lead to a sudden about-turn, and I now find myself overly sentimental. I recently finished two tiny paintings, still lifes with buttons, seen from above. And I finished it and thought it's quite realistic, the colours are very desaturated, and I like the layout. But does this painting matter? Will people understand, or do I have to add a complex title explaining why it's important, why its emotional. Because I'm afraid people will think it has no meaning and therefore is just a painting of some buttons. Which it is! But in this case, these buttons come from a jar my mom always had by her needle-work things, I would often upturn the jar and sort through the different buttons, try to find similar ones, or sort them by colour or number or button holes. The buttons we either left overs from finished garments, or recycled from thrown-away garments. Some were from my dad's navy uniform, some from school uniforms, some from clothes my mom made us when we were little, and some were so old that we didn't know. In my mind, because there's such a strong connection to my mom, and because she has a large family in which there has recently been a lot of sickness and death, the buttons somehow came to symbolise those lost relatives, and lost time. Which suddenly turns into quite a vast concept, and one quite personal to me. But does that matter? Or is it just a still life with buttons and a complex paragraph for a title? 

The point I wanted to make was this: I'm not afraid of being overly sentimental, even if people do see naivete as a bad thing. I'm willing to make myself vulnerable, and I promise to be sincere, I'm just not always sure that it will be believed, or understood. But I think that's okay. Because it comes from a good place, I don't have to apologise for it, it is what it is, whether people see it as real, ironic, or just still life.

As reward for reading all that, a picture my brother snapped of the Absolut Art Gallery front, featuring 5 of my paintings. Which I'm particularly proud of, more so than I probably should be!

Coloured dirt on a flat surface

I've been a huge far of Chuck Close for years and years, and when I finally got his DVD a couple of years back, it just re-enforced my opinion of him and his work. Last night I watched an interview where Robert Storr and Chuck Close have a chat, and I was so inspired by it, I felt such a sudden fondness for what we do, that I decided to just go ahead and paraphrase the bits that got to me. Hope you feel similarly excited about the dance we do: 

"It’s not just what I’m doing, but the choices that make it a different experience for the viewer. Painters are orchestrators of experience, that’s what we’re doing. There’s a kind of ritual dance that takes place in the studio, we’re performing artists, only no one watches us perform. But we’re dancing in front of the rectangle, we’re making these gestures at times when it’s like conducting music. And then the painting is the frozen evidence that that ritual dance, that performance took place. And it goes out into the world, and it stands in for the artist and that performance. But when a viewer gets involved with that, he can almost dance along with it, you can understand the nature of that performance. 

And that’s why, when I go to museums or galleries and look at peoples work, there’s a vicarious experience when you realise that this was made. This is not a photograph that comes up in one moment, it was made by hand. Painting is the most transcendent of all mediums, I think, because it denies its physical reality. It is coloured dirt on a flat surface, it makes space where there is no space, it reminds you of life experiences you’ve had, it transports you somewhere else. 

Coloured dirt on a flat surface, it can make you cry. It’s kind of amazing.

So you see, what I’m trying to do, is not just make Roy Lichtenstein’s nose" (he was pointing to his portrait of Lichtenstein as he said this), but give you something of a more lurid experience at the same time. 

I really do believe that what we do is a kind of magic. I feel like I’m dropping crumbs along the trail, Hansel and Gretel style, if people want to pick them up, they can take the journey that I’ve taken in making the work.

You’re just watching, you have a record of the decisions, and this incredible construction that in front of your very eyes, is an apparition. It’s built out of thin air, and that physicality, and the denial of physicality, and that looking back and forth is really an incredible high for me."

Heres the link to the video, if you'd like to see more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykna0l9cpLA

'A change is not as good as a holiday'

To misquote a friend's facebook update

Variation: Red Green Blue, 2013
Acrylic on Canvas
50 x 90 cm

The first painting started and finished in the studio.. others have been worked on or touched up, but this one is completely new. Also it was a blood sacrifice... of sorts. I offered up a painting I realised I wasn't crazy about, as I had run out of fresh canvasses.

So you might think it proves that the separate studio system has done me a world of good, but change is never simply change, and in this case it came along with stress, severe broke-ness, some more stress, and also the killer of creativity: pressure. As soon as I find myself thinking 'this one has to be great' I know there's gonna be trouble!

The crux with this one is how it relates to two circles I painted in '10, seen below, and the fact that I borrowed a friend's childhood marbles to paint, so it feels like it adds another dimension, it becomes more real somehow, at the risk of sounding pretentious.

So I'm pretty happy with that.

Anyway, so last weekend we popped in to Absolut Art, to see how my work looked on the wall, and it was brilliant, good feedback, great placement and there were samosas on sale next door, fun was had by all!

And we picked up two tiny canvasses I had gotten made, for an upcoming group exhibition. Which is what I'm working on now, in frustration, as I'm not used to working small anymore. 'Brush strokes be damned, just get it to look like something!' My panicky brain tries to shout over the mixed sounds of anticipation and fear.

This change was hectic enough that I need a holiday, or just another radical change, and as we all know, change is inevitable, so that should clear all of it up nicely.

2010 - 20 x 20 cm - Just posting this 'cause I find the changes in style interesting!

Also, if you'd be so kind as to try to 'follow' or subscribe to this, I've had severe trouble with a lack of subscribe button, and might have fixed it, time or comments will tell if it's fixed, or just messed about with!

And so. We’ve moved in.

But we don’t have to talk about that.

Instead I thought I’d share my first attempts at studio-ing – I know, I know, but given time, a nice carpet, a paint job, and other furniture it could be something great! ;)

Studio cat decided to do some decorating with his tail on the first night..

Cat Stevens, tired after all that wall painting

And share some things you didn’t know:

• I am ritualistic, I can only paint when I have a freshly brewed double shot espresso, and have rolled out 10 cigarettes (cherry tobacco). I know it’s psychological, but it works, so why mess with it?
• I have to have ‘company’ when I work – generally music, and then generally power metal, you go ahead and judge, but fast paced music really works. That way (I learned this tip from Stephen King’s ‘On Writing’) you envelop yourself in music, and no outside noise can distract you. This will change when I finally get around to acquiring some audio books, I can recite the ones I have at this stage!
• I have more paint clothes than normal outfits.
• I am an avid gardener, and I suck at it, one of the plus-points of recently moving was moving away from the garden I had fudged up. But now I need a new one, for source flowers to paint!
• A sneezing cat is probably one of the cutest things you will ever experience.
• Living a week without internet or a phone connection was actually really nice.
• I judge people by their shoes.
• I almost failed art theory in high school. And my art teacher advised me not to study fine arts. And I trusted her judgement.
• An ancestor of mine might have known Vermeer. :D didn’t see that coming, did you?
• Now this is probably not true, but when my parents told me about this, it was so cool that I’ve chosen to believe it. If you have information disproving it, don’t tell me. I’d have to egg your house if you did. We were talking about the origin of ‘Kleynscheldt’, and apparently a family member found this gem in some archive: it is thought that our first ancestor to come to South Africa worked as an apprentice to Vermeer, and jumped on a leaving ship after having been caught doing shady things in his studio (I assume he stole, but thats based on absolutely nothing)

 True or not, Vermeer is a personal favourite, and if I ever have kids I will tell it to them as if it is a known truth.

The soon to be first painting in the new house (and in my first studio.

The apprentice

That’s all for now, paint on, and don’t let the man get you down.

A dive into the Archives

Selfportrait (Both SOLD) 2009
45 x 60 cm each
Acrylic on Canvas board

This was the first serious self portrait I ever attempted. I knew I would focus on two aspects, so I split it into two paintings, for them to still be sellable; I didn't just want one large Vanitas painting with assorted fruits, as I wanted to highlight the sombre next to the vibrant.

It was also my first attempt at a Vanitas painting, and the first time I zoomed in on fruit in this way, both of which I continued doing since.

Concept wise it came down to me wanting to change my general attitude towards life; I wanted to teach myself to live in the now, as I had a tendency to look forward to things without appreciating what I actually had. 
 I'd wanted a meaningful relationship for so long, and when I got it, I went straight into looking forward to getting engaged and married, without stopping to enjoy what we had. I finally figured out what I needed to do with my life, but I was unhappy with how slow it was taking place, I wanted galleries and exhibitions and praise now.
So you can see how wonderfully the Vanitas concept worked with that: its all about living a fruitful life, as death is imminent, which is why there is always a burnt out lamp, or a tiny stub of a candle, life is about to burn out. I had to be true to that kind of symbolism, and other imagery like wilted flowers, all focusing on decay.
The ring lying on the broken up (well used?) Bible is a promise ring my them boyfriend gave me, we couldn't afford engagement rings at that stage. The seven of diamonds card ties in there, 7 being symbolic in Christianity of a work being completed or perfected (it doesn't translate very well, the Afrikaans  word I'm thinking of is 'volmaak' or 'volbring') 

'kappertjies'

The leaf was nicely alive, but had fed many a caterpillar, and both the leaf and flower are 'kappertjies' which I grew up playing with (nasturtium flowers, google tells me) The leaves are waterproof, so you can let a drop of water roll around on the leaf without wetting it, and we spent many hours making  mud-stews  of them!

I've always loved candles, this one wasn't quite burnt out, it wasn't ready to die - this wasn't about death after all, only change.

The skull is a cast of a human skull, borrowed from our local teaching hospital's museum - for ethical reasons not an actual human skull - which a friend who works there sourced for me, and started out a relationship of borrowing animal skulls from the museum, which only fed my appetite for learning about anatomy. The walk-through my friend and I did in the museum was terribly interesting, macabre but beautiful.

The fruit still life needs less explanation. I just wanted decadence, but in a healthy way, bright juicy, alive. Especially in juxtaposition with the desaturated, dark Vanitas. The dark background I think helps to relate to the Vanitas, even though it's a much warmer tone.
You can tell the age of the painting in the outlines, I think I stopped outlining in 2010, when I finally realised it didn't give my work a contemporary edge, it just took away from it. That, and the poor photo quality and terribly crop, my apologies!

And there you have it. My sister-in-law bought the fruits, the Vanitas sold at the gallery, and I can look back fondly on how far I've come, in paintings and attitudes. And in the realisation that everything I yearned for then, I now have. 

A good day.

Depth of field - Available at Absolut Art
Acrylic on Canvas
60 x 90 cm

I'm delighted to announce that I will be represented by another Gallery, after meeting with them today. Absolut Art Gallery has a great selection of up-and-comers to Masters, beautiful works, and friendly down-to-earth gallerists. I've been meaning to exhibit with them for years, and only got around to arranging a meeting last week - in a flurry of constructive admin. (high five!)

Also, rather randomly I've been contacted about a painting mentioned in my previous blog, called 'Absence' from a buyer in Moscow, so I'm excited to see whether that will pan out - as far as I know they will be the first Russians to own a 'Kleynscheldt', so thats awesome!

AND I received a couple of wonderful comments about my work from an artist whose work I've been admiring from afar for ages - Alvin R - http://alvinrichard-art.blogspot.com/ 
It's always great to get good feedback, but it's doubly rewarding when it comes from someone you look up to. 

So, all in all a pretty great day. How I'm supposed to get any painting done while my head is spinning, I have no idea, but I will do my best! ;) Thanks for reading these updates, and following along with my journey, it is much appreciated!

If you wish to aquire a painting of mine, please contact one of these galleries: http://www.absolutart.co.za/
http://www.everard-read-capetown.co.za/?m=1

or email me if you have questions!

22
46 x 60 cm
Acrylic on Canvas

Portraits and me

The first painting I made (as a young adult) was a portrait. I was most inspired at the time by the BBC Star Portraits show, and that progressed in a year to 25-ish A2 sized portraits and 5 more conceptual works as a solo show. I'd do the show, it would rock, and everyone would bow before me. Instant success!

They didn't though.

It sucked.

I sold one painting at the exhibition - not a portrait - and subsequently in the 6 years since, only sold one of the portraits.. and I never made another portrait (in the literal sense anyway) again.

Until this year. :D This year the first National Portrait competition takes place in South Africa, and I'm entering. Bought the largest canvas I could fit in my 'studio', it didn't fit in the car, switched it for a smaller car-sized version, and painted my heart out for a month. And it paid off, came out beautifully. Only I can't show it to anyone, as the judging will be anonymous, and I'd be disqualified. So my greatest work of the year gets to wait in bubble wrap until August!

Which of course is super frustrating, it's really gotten me in the mood for more portraits, but I can't use it to advertise, such a catch 22!

The cool part is this: The exhibition takes place in the same venue where my failed solo was held, I will have come full circle with portraits, and if I win it will have started with an epic failure, and end in (the first day of the rest of my life? er..) well in exposure, and a ridiculously large cash prize - if I am one of the 40 finalists, the work goes on tour through South Africa for a year, which would also be really great. But the winner gets more publicity, and as someone who really sucks at marketing but aspires to greatness, that would be a nice boost! haha

So that's what I've been brooding on, but until I can unveil the painting, here are some more works from my not so awesome Solo show in 2008: The Demise of Innocence in children.

Absence
46 x 60 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board

Absence II
60 x 46 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board

 FYI The concept of the exhibition was basically about how children don't play outside anymore, when I was young we lived in parks, and these-days parks are abandoned, there is broken glass in the sand pits, dodgy teenagers hang out on the swings (I know this because I turned into one of those dodgy teens) There are just empty beer bottles and used condoms, and all the kids are indoors, and it saddens me how in such a short time things have changed so radically, and it says a lot about this world. Oh and the titles of the kids portraits were all numbers, in keeping with the theme.

5
60 x 46 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board

6
60 x 46 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board

8
60 x 46 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board

11
60 x 46 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board

17
60 x 46 cm
Acrylic on Canvas-board